Better Days

So I'm feeling much better today. Its actually crazy because I wanted to stay at work tonight for overtime. However, I couldn't because I had to come home to do a house meeing with the girls I live with. I shared about how much I miss my family and Katie reminded me that it is better I'm spending this time away to better myself so that I can really be there for my family the rest of my life. Thats what I kept telling myself a while ago but I guess I forgot. Today was a really good day. I got one on one training from my job that made me a lot more confident in what I do. Of course this was because the server was down for two hours but I mean what else can you expect from a phone room. aha. I'm gonna meditate after this and it's gonna be awesome. Also, considering I'm completely broke for another two weeks I've decided I have to seriously stop smoking ciggs. Its so unhealthy and I dont really enjoy waking up every morning needing to use my inhaler for whats only exercise induced asthma. Plus after this weekend I'll be aloud to go back to the gym everyday so basically I dont wanna have a heart attack on the tredmill baha. I'm so proud of myself though for actuallly giving everthing I owed for rent with this last paycheck even though it left me broke. I would have never done that in the past. I would have probably lied and just said I didnt make enough. That means that next paycheck I'll have it all to myself, and that will make me a happy camper =] Thank you God for all you have provided me with.

Making a differance?

Dear GOD,
 Thank you so much for allowing me to wake up this morning and get to a meeting and for having this job. Thank you for moving me to this new house as well. It has helped me so much to be grounded in my recovery and help get my life on track. Please God help me to get through this day. I am feeling depressed and discontent for no reason I can really think of. All I know is that I miss my family so much this it breaks my heart. I think my job may also be affecting me. I never have time to do what I would like to at night. My homegroup, youth group, other meetings. Its very dissapointing. Is this something I'm supposed to be learning to accept? I'm just so confused. I wanna be able to talk to my mom. I wanna be doing something I enjoy. I just don't know what it is. I get so bored with everything so quickly. That's why I'm so scared to commit to anything. I'm still trying to figure that all out. There has to be something out there that suits me. I don't think that anyone should have to be unhappy with what they do to make money. I feel like I need to be out making a differance as much as I can. The only time I can really sit still and be at complete ease is when I know i'm giving it all I've got to help another person. Any hoot, I love my life no matter what because in the long run I'm happier than I think I ever have been, and honestly just by writing this all out has helped me to remember that I need to tell my self,  "Ashley, you don't have to go to work today, you get to go to work today." This is just what I need to be doing today to get things going for myself. My feet are on the ground of this present moment, not yesterday and not tomorrow. Tomorrow willl worry about itself. All I need to do is keep your will in the front of my mind and not take mine back.

God, I offer myself to thee
to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will.
Take away my difficulties
that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help
of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.
May I do Thy will always.
Amen.

Earth

How do I Feel?

Have you ever been so happy that you don't even know what to do with yourself? Well thats how I feel. I just love everything right now. I'm so grateful for my life and earth. I just want to feel every breeze on my face, and the rain running down my back. Almost everyday this summer I was riding my bike everywhere and I loved nothing more than feeling the hot Florida sun all over my body. It's like I was constantly cuddling with the sun. I had never felt heat like this in my life and I fell in love. Then today it was raining all morning and i still rode my bike. I loved feeling the rain as well. It was a really refreshing change. Watching the lightning over the beach is amazing. Its so bright that it's almost purple or blue looking. Not to mention the sound of the rolling thunder is just amazing. I was always really overly scared of thunderstoms when I was little, but it's totally different now. A couple of weeks ago I was riding my bike and I looked over the ocean and there was a double rainbow. Full on double rainbow right over the water. People where litterally stoping in the road yelling from theres cars and pointing at the sky. If that doesnt make you apprieciate the world we live in then I don't know what would.

The Sun sees Everything you do